Today – post mortem

27 Apr

Maybe it’s a bad idea to do a post mortem before the day is actually over with, but I’m proud of myself today. I think I did pretty well. I had my veggies and my apples with cashew butter.  And a caesar salad. And yogurt and bran and strawberries for breakfast. I spent a day vegetarian and I’m pretty sure it’s the only day of my life since I was eating solid food that I’ve done that. I’m a tad hungry now so I think I may fall back on some black beans and brown rice. Not the optimal before bed snack, bu the protein is pretty crucial.

Today I ran/walked with the dog a total of 4.2 km. It felt sooo good! I got that runner’s high back, where you start to feel the world fade around you. I can’t wait until I have less bits jiggling around me while I run. Right now it’s rather annoying how much of me shakes and wobbles when I move at speed. The dog loved it though. I think for once I finally tired him out. And when I got back I wasn’t hungry at all. It was a really nice change from the ordinary.

There was pizza for dinner at the house, and I felt myself caving thinking about how much I wanted a slice of that rich, filling pepperoni. Luckily for me, by the time I got up from napping it was all gone. A close dodge, because I’m sure I would have cheated. This has been really hard so far. Really, really hard. To be honest, I’m pretty amazed that I have lost as much weight as I have, because I’ve always struggled with challenges staying motivated over the long term. Not just with weight loss, but school, work, projects, creative pursuits. I find I’m always kind of making excuses, and it’s hard because I get frustrated when I’m imperfect or unsuccessful, but I often wake up in the mornings feeling tired, unmotivated, and generally out of it and melancholy. Not quite sure how to correct f

 

or that, it’s a feeling that’s more or less followed me for me entire life. The weight loss helps; I can feel increased energy and strength, but there are still too many days where I feel like my strength has been sapped out of me, and it’s hard to get out of bed. I don’t know what the fix is for that. I’m eating healthy, as you can see from my re

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